Okay I know fans always say this kind of stuff and people always say it’s bullshit. But I don’t care if anyone says it’s all made up in my mind or that I’m lying or anything. I KNOW this happened and I’ll always treasure this moment for the rest of my life.
I’ve only seen Taylor once. My family doesn’t really have that much money (well it’s not like we’re broke, but together my parents do have a good annual income especially since I’m their only child, but ever since my 1st year of college everything has been REALLY tight, and these next 2 years it will be the tightest ever since my dad just bought out the company and is now CEO). I discovered Taylor when I was 12 when she was just starting out because I found her music on Limewire somehow LOL
Anyway since I discovered her I’ve been begging my parents to let me see her live just once. For her Speak Now Tour, I was 17, it was my senior year in high school & last XC season, and it was the first time ever that she’s performed in Sacramento. I had brought it up to my dad how excited I was but at this point I had given up on hoping to see her live one day. Well my dad surprised me and called me while I was in Honors Pre-Calc. class saying he got tickets for my mom and I!
So that day of the concert I had a race in the morning, and after that I went straight home, showered and got ready, then went to Arco Arena. We had decent seats since we were in the middle. I was dancing and singing her lyrics so loud and I was so happy! There were multiple times during her show where I cried from just pure happiness and my mom thought that was funny and cute.
So you now how for Speak Now Taylor would come down on the tree in the middle of the crowd to perform Last Kiss and a requested song from the Meet and Greet that day? Well where she landed was in the middle, and myself and a bunch of girls, and myself, left our seats to run over as close as we can get. Now I wasn’t up front, but I was at a good distance. I stood on a seat for the full 40mins she was performing there, my knees trembling so much I almost fell off the seat a lot of times. Take into consideration that I had just had knee surgery 9 months before and I had a race that same day, too.
Anyway—Last Kiss has had such a deep meaning for me with how this boy I dated for 2 months treated me since he tried to force me to lose my virginity to him when I kept saying I wasn’t ready, and sexually assaulted me, cheated on me, told everyone about it and told the school he only wanted to use me for sex, and that he took my virginity. Everyone spread those rumors around and everyone hated me; often I was asked if it was true and I would deny it but them they called me a whore and a prude. I had that reputation for 2 years and graduated with being only known for that and none of the academic and extracurricular achievements I made; not even known for my own personality.
So when Taylor was performing Last Kiss, of course I was singing it softly to myself and crying. It brought back SO many emotions from those late nights of hating myself and putting the blame on me, and her music getting me through it.
And I swear on my life—I know this happened. Taylor made eye contact with me, and I could see her eyes sparkling with a few tears in her eyes, and in that split second of a moment she smiled at me—she smiled at me as if to try and communicate with me that she knows and understands; that everything will get better and that she’s here for me.
And I swear this moment and this whole night was destiny. I wanted her to perform Untouchable more than ever. That song was also a huge part of the aftermath of that relationship and helped me through those last 2 years of high school with the rumors and barely having any friends that stuck by my side because of those rumors.
And she performed it. In my town. And I was SO happy I was singing it and crying. After the tree went up we all returned back to our seats and I was absolutely trembling and crying with the biggest smile on my face. My mom wrapped her arms around me and asked what’s wrong. And I shook my head and said, “Nothing’s wrong. Taylor looked at me for just a moment and smiled at me.” All my mom has ever wanted to do was make me happy. And ind that moment she was radiating happiness to see how this dream of mine came true.
That night has been the best night of my life so far. I still remember that moment like it happened just a minute ago.
I know I’ll most likely never meet Taylor. I kind of don’t have the money to go to another concert, let alone buy a meet and greet ticket. I know she’ll most likely not even know that I exist. I know she’ll never know my story and just how she, literally, saved myself from killing myself; how her music this summer got me through my eating disorders; how she have me the strength to brush off all those people who have made fun of me since the 7th grade; how even now she’s getting me through the cruel taunting my sour mates make all the time, and getting me through not having many friends at my college because my group of friends dropped me since I left my university’s Debate team that we were all on together.
And she’ll most likely never know that I got my tattoo in her handwriting.
And you know what? I’m okay with that. I’m okay with that because I had that moment with her that you only hear stories about—that is so rare that you never thought it would happen to you. The words she told me in that second through her eyes and that smile are more than enough.
I’m more than okay with her never knowing me or knowing my existence and how much I love her, and all that she’s done for me, and her maybe not even knowing or remembering that she did that to me that night in the crowded stadium.
I don’t care if people tell me that it’s a figment of my imagination—that she probably did that smile and look for a different fan and I thought it was for me.
Because I KNOW in my heart and soul that that moment was for me.
And, Taylor, if you ever see this post and maybe if you don’t at all, I just want to say that I’ll never forget that one momentous second, that keeps me going and working hard, for the rest of my life
I can never truly say just how thankful I am for that second, and how grateful I am for all that she’s done for me in my life without even knowing it herself.
:) I’ll always love and support you Taylor no matter what.
Your grateful fan from Sacramento,